The title is pretty self explanatory, and Oprah Winfrey needs no introduction. Dr. Bruce Perry is a brain and trauma expert. In what feels like a discussion or interview (on the Audiobook, at least) the two talk about how trauma, especially at a young age, affects us, and how it will continue to affect us throughout our lives. Winfrey and Perry argue that if we don't address people's problems from a trauma perspective: asking "what happened to you?" instead of "what's wrong with you?" then we can't really get down to the heart of the problem and really make a difference. In fact, when we blame the person instead of explaining where those actions are coming from, we only stigmatize them instead of helping them.
Winfrey shares some personal experiences from her childhood throughout the book that help illustrate Dr. Perry's discussions of how the brain works. She also brings up the girls who have come to her school in South Africa--many of whom have faced a lot of upheaval .
Dr. Perry explains that when traumatic things happen to us, we bypass the thinking part of our brain, and go straight to the "lizard" part where we react without thinking. At that time, the brain also encodes all parts of that memory as being part of that trauma, but that part of the brain is not advanced enough to keep a timeline. So, if the same sounds, smells, or even similar-looking people reoccur, it is possible that person might be thrown back into the thoughts and feelings of the original trauma even though it is many years later and they are in no danger. And until their brain can find its way out of that trauma response, the rational part of the brain is essentially turned off.
Dr. Perry really brings home how susceptible children are to trauma because their little minds are so new. Their brains are growing at an incredible rate because they are essentially figuring out and mapping the world around them. If that world is not stable and safe, it will change the neurons in the brain--their map of the world--and affect them for the rest of their life. One statistic that I found rather shocking was that: children who had a stable first two months of their lives but chaos for the next twelve years had better outcomes than children with instability the first two months and stability for the next 12 years. You would think that a child that small would have no idea what is going on, but responding to the child's needs and a consistent caregiver are extremely important.
Dr. Perry and Oprah make sure to say that even though you may struggle from trauma, there is always a chance to improve. They particularly emphasize the power of a caring community that can support someone with countless, small "therapeutic acts" of listening and supporting someone who has gone though something.
I see many struggling people because of my job, and I appreciate books like these that can help me understand why they may be suffering. In addition, it can help me understand any underlying trauma that may be affecting me--often without me even realizing it. I found this book interesting and informative.
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