#17 [2026/CBR18] The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown

I'm a little burned out on self-help books, but I always think the next one will help me a little more. On the whole, I've learned some important things about myself, as well as various coping strategies. I keep reading them even though I'm tired of them because I have a little FOMO when it comes to missing that one book that will fully explain me to myself.

Brené Brown was recommended to me by my therapist, and The Gifts of Imperfection (2010) seemed like something of a classic, so I went with that one. I was expecting Brown to dive right into shame and perfectionism, but instead The Gifts of Imperfection is centered around "wholehearted living," which is defined as a process of becoming, rooted in self-worth and embracing one's authentic self. I think I expected something a little different from this book, and it probably didn't help that I was listening to it instead of reading it. I was sometimes confused about what Brown's focus was. It took me awhile to figure out that this was more general advice for a better life.

But looking back on it, and with the help of the internet, this book is pretty straightforward. It has three tools and ten guideposts to help you achieve a "wholehearted life." It's interesting how many of these self help books fall back to the same things. Brown talks a fair bit about self compassion, something I've already read an entire book on. It seems that there is general agreement in what makes a happy and fulfilling life.

Cliff's Notes:

-Let go of perfectionism for wholehearted living.

Three tools:

1) Courage    2) Compassion     3) Connection

Ten Guideposts for Wholehearted Living:

1) Authenticity - letting go of what people think

2) Self-Compassion - nurturing kindness toward oneself

3) Resilient Spirit - cultivating a resilient spirit

4) Gratitude and Joy - practicing gratitude

5) Intuition and Trusting Faith - believing in oneself

6) Creativity - engaging in creativity

7) Play and rest - allowing time for play and rest

8) Calm and stillness - managing anxiety

9) Meaningful work - engaging in work that matters

10) Laughter, song, and dance - embracing joy

The one advice that stuck with me the most was Brown's recommendation to follow the vowels every day: A - abstain from something bad for you (Instagram, alcohol, whatever it is for you); E - exercise; I - do something for yourself; O - do something for others; U - see if you are holding on to unexpressed emotions; and Y, yeah, be grateful or excited about something good that happened. Perhaps I forgot the last two vowels, but it's a pithy little way to get yourself back on track.

I like how Brown uses personal stories to make some points, and I found this book readable and potentially helpful. Perhaps if I'd read this book earlier in my self-help book education, it would have had more of an impact on me.

#16 [2026/CBR18] What We Can Know by Ian McEwan

I have read a number of books by Ian McEwan, including Atonement, Amsterdam, On Chesil Beach, Saturday, and The Children Act. Even though it's been over ten years since I've read a McEwan book, I remember being impressed by his writing and enjoying his books. Thus, when I saw a number of lists touting What We Can Know (2025), I figured it was time to get back to him.

What We Can Know takes place in post-apocalyptic Britain in 2119. Climate change and "The Derangement" have cut down the population by two thirds. What's left of Britain is a collection of islands; everything else is underwater. The United States is made up of warring gangs. Britain is relatively stable, but the ease and excesses that we take for granted now are long in the past.

Thomas Metcalfe is a scholar who is investigating a lost poem written in 2014. A famous poet, Francis Blundy wrote a poem for his wife, Vivien Blundy. He wrote it down on old-fashioned vellum, read it aloud at an intimate dinner party, and then gave the one and only copy to Vivien. Nobody knows where it went, but word of it spread. Even though no one knew the actual words, the poem took on a life of its own as people gave their own meaning to it.

I had some problems getting into this book. I didn't really care about the poem, and McEwan wasn't giving me enough information about the characters to care about them or even keep them straight. I resorted to a little cheat sheet to keep the dinner party guests straight. In addition, I wasn't particularly attached to Thomas or his co-worker/girlfriend/wife, Rose. They seemed to be using each other more than really caring for each other.

I often think back to the people in the 1800's and wonder how they could do so many heartless, irrevocable things, including hunting numerous species to extinction. I remember learning how millions of bison used to cover the western plains before they were summarily executed and left to rot on the ground. And now I think people in the future will look back at us and wonder why we were so careless about our Earth and our resources. How is it defensible to use plastic bags for groceries? Something that lasts thousands of years for a slight convenience that lasts moments. McEwan hits this point directly. Thomas is obsessed with Blundy's poem and his wife and the time period they lived in. Rose and Thomas are jealous of the beauty and natural abundance that we take for granted now, and they are angry with how ignorant and uncaring we were.

But the book is about a lot more than that. About two thirds of the way through the novel, it shifts perspective. Suddenly, we are back in the early 2000's with Vivien Blundy. Her part of the story is much more detailed, and her life was a lot more interesting to me. I was struggling through the rest of the story, but this last third reminded me of why I liked reading McEwan's books.

Vivien describes how she met her first husband, Percy, and how he became sick. We already know the broader strokes of this story because of Thomas's deep research into her life. However, even with all of the electronic records from that time at his disposal, he was missing so much. It is only when we hear from Vivien that we really understand what had happened.

I did like this book. Even though I was occasionally frustrated in the first two thirds of the book, the last third made up for it. I've also found myself thinking about it way after I read it. It's easy to see how I am one of the ones the future population will look back on and wonder why I didn't do more. Thomas says something about how absurd it is that people would fly halfway across the world, just to go on vacation for a couple weeks. My husband and I do exactly that. We are so busy with our own personal lives in the present that we don't connect our actions to what may happen in the future. And then there are the truths about Vivien's life when Thomas believed something different for so long. McEwan wrote a pointed, layered novel that has stuck with me.

#15 [2026/CBR18] Smile, or You're Doing it Wrong by Andy Glaze

As I write this, Andy Glaze is almost 100 miles into the Arizona Monster 300 Trail Race. It's over 300 miles of mostly trail running with a cut off of seven days. It's really beyond my comprehension. I've backpacked about 250 miles, but it took me three weeks. Ten to fifteen miles of hiking per day with plenty of sleep is nothing like what's happening in Arizona right now. I stumbled upon Andy on Instagram. He is a fire battalion chief in California and an ultrarunner. I have the yearning to become an ultrarunner, but my body breaks down every time I try to jog for more than ten minutes per week: ankles, Achilles, hips, IT band, TFL. I keep doing physical therapy and I keep trying, but it seems that I am most successful living vicariously through those that can.

Glaze first caught my attention for his positive attitude and his running "jorts" (running shorts that look like jean cut-offs). And then I learned that he has run 100 miles per week for over 300 weeks--which is now close to six years! Is this a good idea? Absolutely not--which Glaze himself admits. But is it impressive? Indubitably. I've had so many weeks where I was traveling, I was sick, I was hurt, or I just wasn't feeling it and barely exercised. 100 miles a week is averaging 14.3 miles per day--for years! And if you can't run for a day, then you have six days to make up the mileage. I'm afraid this streak would start feeling like an albatross around my neck, but it's still very impressive!

When I saw that Glaze had a memoir out: Smile, or You're Doing it Wrong: A Journey From Rock Bottom to Redemption (2026), I wasn't sure I wanted to read an influencer book. I like to lurk in the shadows and not get too involved with people I see on social media. But I was curious about Glaze, and I had a credit on Audible waiting for me. 

Glaze reads the Audiobook himself, and he talks about his life, the obstacles he overcame, and how he got into running. I've discovered that many people involved in punishing endurance sports have survived major difficulties in their lives. Whether it is an alcoholic or abusive parent, neglect, or addiction, it seems to pop up more often in these athletes than you might expect. I am guessing that sometimes they feel the need to keep accomplishing something, that endurance sports might be a helpful emotional balm on their past trauma, and/or the physical pain of a race is nothing compared to the physical or psychological pain that they've already been through. So, I was only a little bit surprised to hear that Glaze was a drug addict as a teenager. His parents tracked him down on the street and sent him off to one of those youth camps in Utah that have since been determined to be inhumane and abusive.

Even after getting off drugs and graduating from college, Glaze struggled to find himself. He was a sedentary, unmotivated chain smoker. When he ran 1.5 miles as part of a class and struggled mightily to finish, he decided to turn things around. To get all the details, you need to read his story, but he now runs much more than that mile and a half.

On the whole, I liked this book. Glaze seemed to be honest and open about his struggles, and he has an optimistic outlook that encourages people to try hard things. I found his book inspiring--even if my goals are simply to walk 10,000 steps a day and run when I'm not too hurt. 

My only nitpick is that Glaze tells the story more by subject, and this sometimes led to my confusion. Sometimes more details would have been helpful. For instance, in high school, Glaze's father was dying of cancer. So, for much of the book when he talked about his father, I was assuming he meant his step father--even though we didn't get very much information on him until later in the book. And it wasn't until near the end of the book that I learned that Glaze's father actually survived a terminal diagnosis for thirty years and had been around the whole time. In addition, when Glaze mentioned that his first wife asked him for a divorce, I wasn't even aware that he had gotten married. He said the divorce was very hard on him, but it was difficult for me to understand the emotional implications when the woman and the relationship had not even been mentioned before.

This book was interesting, easy to read, and inspiring. Recommended for those that find this kind of thing intriguing. 

#14 [2026/CBR18] Game Changer by Rachel Reid

Inspired by the new, hit television show Heated Rivalry (a show I've heard of but not seen), my book club decided to read a random, hockey-themed romance novel paired with a field trip to watch a hockey game. The random, hockey romance novel was not a huge hit, so I decided to skip it and go straight to the source material. When I looked up Heated Rivalry by Rachel Reid, I discovered that it is actually Book 2 of a series. So, I decided to start at the beginning with Book 1: Game Changer (2024).

Kip Grady is 25 years old. He lives in New York City with his parents after getting his history degree. He works at a Smoothie shop while paying back his student loans and trying to decide what he wants to do with his life. Then, Scott Hunter walks in the door, looking for a blueberry smoothie on game day. Scott Hunter is the captain of the New York Admirals, the local, professional hockey team. The team had been going through a bit of a slump, so when the Admirals win that night, Scott comes back their next game day for his lucky blueberry smoothie.

Kip is very attracted to Scott, but Scott is not gay and he's a professional athlete. There's no way he would be interested in Kip, who is pretty low on self esteem at the moment. But then they run into each other again at a fancy party where Kip is hired on as waitstaff for the night. The two decide to go get a burger after the gala. 

And so it begins. Scott is actually gay, but he's deep in the closet because of the rampant homophobia surrounding hockey culture as he was growing up. FYI, I googled "gay NHL players" and found that the NHL is the only professional men's league to never have a current or former player come out as gay. I'm not positive this information is current or correct because I also saw somewhere that there was an  NHL prospect who did come out--inspired by these very books. Either way, it's safe to say that even today you would be courageous to come out while playing in the NHL. Tangent: Isn't it interesting that there are gay women all over professional women's sports, and it seems to be much more accepted?

Scott and Kip are both nice guys, who are young, incredibly hot, and very much into each other. They have a lot of sex, which is described in detail, over and over again. In some ways, their relationship is perfect. But the problem is that they have to keep it a secret. It really starts to wear on Kip because he is continually lying to his friends and family. Eventually, he even starts avoiding some of his friends because he doesn't want to lie to them. Scott doesn't want to lose Kip, but he feels stuck.

Eventually Scott does what needs to be done, and in a pretty dramatic fashion. And they live happily ever after.

I listened to this book, and although there were parts I liked, I don't think I'm going to continue on with the series. I thought the narrator did an okay job, but he had different voices for each character, which I found distracting. I especially disliked Kip's voice. I thought he sounded like a Neanderthal with a weird accent I couldn't place. I also thought this book had more sex than story. I liked Scott and Kip's meet cute and their first experiences with each other. But then it felt like a big chunk of the book was just enough storyline to get them to their next sex scene. It was actually refreshing when their relationship began struggling a little bit over the coming out issue. Maybe I'll try out the show, but I think I'll skip the rest of the books.

#13 [2026/CBR18] The Correspondent by Virginia Evans

I've always enjoyed a good epistolary novel, and The Correspondent (2025) by Virginia Evans is no different. I saw The Correspondent on a number of year-end, best-of lists and decided to give it a try. I figured an old lady writing a bunch of letters would be a slow, contemplative novel. I was wrong. Although The Correspondent was contemplative, the story was surprisingly compelling. I had a hard time putting this book down.

The Correspondent begins with 73-year-old Sybil Van Antwerp writing to her brother, who lives in France. It is 2012 and Sybil is divorced, a retired lawyer and law clerk, who has two children and lives alone in Annapolis, Maryland. From these letters, we slowly learn about Sybil's current life as well as her past.

Part of what made this book so readable is that each letter is a little mystery: who is writing to Sybil, how do they know her, what is their relationship, and what is currently happening in their lives. It turns out that Sybil had a pretty interesting life. And even though she is older and stuck in her ways, it doesn't mean she can't continue to change and grow. Spoilers follow.

Reading Sybil's letters, we get to see her relationships to all the people around her, as well as glimpses of her stubborn, smart, practical personality. She has a strained relationship with her daughter, a sweet understanding with the troubled son of a fellow, former law clerk, an antagonistic relationship with a busybody in her local Gardening club, and some important longstanding friendships where they often talk about the books they are reading. In addition to these relationships, we see Sybil create new, delightful friendships with her next door neighbor, a particular customer service representative, and a college professor of poetry. In what are often funnier parts of the novel, Sybil also writes to famous writers that she's enjoyed. These include Kazuo Ishiguro (where Sybil compares herself to the butler from Remains of the Day) and Diana Gabaldon after Sybil read Outlander for the first time.

As I continued to read the book, I also learned more about Sybil's past. We learn that Sybil had three children, but her son died when he was a child. The grief and guilt are still very hard on her. It was this death that led to the unraveling of her marriage. We also learn that Sybil was very smart, and she went to law school before working in private practice. Sybil was so close with her law partner that she became his law clerk when he became a judge (as women were not nominated for judgeships back then). Some of her legal past comes back to haunt her as well, so it is all relevant.

I really enjoyed reading this book. Sybil was an interesting, likable, but complex character. It was intriguing to see how she thought about life as she got closer to the end of her life. In addition, there was so much going on. It was all mixed together and told through the letters in a way that was both funny and sad.

However, I got a little distracted when Sybil talked about her legal education. If Sybil was 73 in 2012, and she went to law school after being a paralegal for a few years after college, she probably went to law school no later than 1965. Although the University of Virginia School of Law started allowing women in 1920, there were very few women until the late 1960's, and women weren't allowed into the University of Virginia undergraduate school until 1970. Sybil blithely mentions that she was a paralegal and then went to law school, but there was nothing in the book about her being one of the only women in the entire school. It must have been remarkable at the time, and I can't imagine Sybil would not at least mention how few women there were. Yes, she is a tough woman who understands sexism, but for readers not aware of that history, Sybil gives the impression that a legal education for women in the early 1960's was a normal thing. 

The other part that didn't quite ring true was the man who was unhappy with Sybil because she was involved in the sentencing of his father. I can see how Sybil felt guilty if she knew she could have influenced the judge into something more just. But families of the accused can't have ex parte communications with the judge, so did the mother go to the judge's offices somehow knowing that Sybil could influence the judge? And everything the mother told Sybil is exactly the kind of thing that should be brought up in a sentencing hearing. This whole plot line felt a little stretched, although it added another layer of mystery and tension while reading the book.

Despite the couple of legal plot points that rubbed me the wrong way, I really enjoyed this book. It was sweet, nostalgic, thoughtful, and moving. I found it difficult to put down, and so far it is my favorite book of the year.

#12 [2026/CBR18] One Day, Everyone Will Have Always Been Against This by Omar El Akkad

I found One Day, Everyone Will Have Always Been Against This [One Day] (2025) by Omar El Akkad because I was seeing it all over the place. It won the National Book Award and was on a number of high-profile lists. I've been interested in learning more about Palestine for some time, especially after the October 7, 2023 attack on Israel by Hamas, and the subsequent violence from Israel against Palestinians. I found this book very well written and eye opening.

Omar El Akkad was born in Cairo, Egypt. When his father got a job in Doha, Qatar, Omar moved with his family to Qatar, growing up in that country. Later, he moved to Canada where he became a journalist. Now he lives near Portland with his wife and daughter. It seems that El Akkad wrote One Day because it was killing him to see all of the death, destruction, and suffering of Palestine and its people. At the same time, the United States is blithely supporting Israel, only murmuring the occasional platitude when confronted. The hypocrisy is strong with both American political parties. El Akkad points out numerous times how Americans are constantly trumpeting buzzwords like "freedom and morality" but as soon as it is in America's (or its leader's) interest, any high ideals that we pretend to espouse are thrown out the window--especially when it's something happening far away and involves "others".

    "One of the hallmarks of Western liberalism is an assumption, in hindsight, of virtuous resistance as the only polite expectation of people on the receiving end of colonialism. While the terrible thing is happening--while the land is still being stolen and the natives still being killed--any form of opposition is terroristic and must be crushed for the sake of civilization. But decades, centuries later, when enough of the land has been stolen and enough of the natives killed, it is safe enough to venerate resistance in hindsight." (18)

One thing that El Akkad talked about that hit me deeply was the way in which western reporters cover the war in Palestine, and the language they use. When Israel is the attacker, it's passive voice and a clinical presentation. A Palestinian girl was unfortunately hit by a bullet during the conflict. But when the violence is from the Palestinian side, it is described as "terrorists" and intentional violence. Just listening to the news, it's difficult to get an idea of the scope of the intentional killing and destruction that Palestine was enduring.

I am moderately informed and occasionally read the news, but I was getting a better feel of what was going on in Palestine from Instagram reels--although these were very hard to watch. What was frustrating, though, is that I did not necessarily trust the Reels because I didn't know where they came from or how reliable they were. Yet when I looked up specific things I'd seen on Instagram that were especially egregious, they were all turning out to be true. 

It was Instagram Reels, famous advocates like Greta Thunberg raising awareness, and even the International Criminal Court putting an arrest warrant out for Netanyahu that made me more aware of how immoral the United States (by supporting Israel) was acting. In December 2024, the Human Rights Watch and Amnesty International accused Israel of genocide. It's not the side of history I wanted to be on.

Another thing that El Akkad discussed in One Day that really changed my thinking is how the United States frames its actions. Any violence perpetrated against us is terrorism by madmen who are intent on destroying our way of life. But any violence perpetrated by the United States is a "justified and measured response with unfortunate collateral." No matter how you phrase it, though, blowing up someone's home or killing someone's child is still blowing up someone's home or killing someone's child. The damage is the same. Just because the United States is powerful enough to call their violence "legal" doesn't make it any better.

I was still reading this book when Trump and Hegseth started their war against Iran. I still don't understand why they started it, what they hope to achieve, or what they think is going to happen in the long run, but it deeply underscores El Akkad's point. The United States just blew up a school that killed over 150 children. They can say they didn't mean to and they'll look into it, but the damage has been done. Let's explain to the parents of those children that we're not the terrorists.

I still am very ignorant about both the history and current situation in Palestine. (Although One Day was very moving, it is not a history book). [I am looking for a well-researched, concise, and accurate history of Palestine and Israel if anyone has suggestions.] Perhaps I am too idealistic, but I don't want to choose any sides here. I want the killing and inhumanity to stop, so I am against anyone not treating others as people. That means the war crimes Israel has perpetrated, the occupation of Palestine, the violence by Hamas on October 7th, the settlers pushing people out of their homes, and the United States attacking Iraq and Iran for lies and distraction and causing irreparable harm.

Highly recommended.

#11 [2026/CBR18] The Anxious Perfectionist by Clarissa W. Ong and Michael P. Twohig

I've been reading a lot of self-help books lately for a number of reasons. It is great when something I read can make a concrete difference in my life. I just recently read another book on perfectionism, called The Perfectionists Guide to Losing Control. That book was interesting, but a little frustrating and left me wanting more. So, I listened to The Anxious Perfectionist (2022) by Clarissa W. Ong and Michael P. Twohig hoping for a better understanding of perfectionism and how it might affect me.

Although The Anxious Perfectionist did not have the fun quiz that began the last book I read on perfectionism, I found this one a little easier to read and digest. I found a number of practical actions that could be helpful and will be trying to incorporate into my life.

First, the author recommends letting go of your labels and stories. Basically, these are words you use to identify with yourself or others. For instance: "I'm so unorganized, hopeless, bad in social contexts", or whatever it might be. These labels are natural but they can force you into a box--making it hard to be anything else. And they might not even be true in the first place. 

Secondly, the authors advise that you focus on your values: what really matters to you. Honesty, virtue, hard work, friendship, integrity, learning, enjoying the outdoors. Everyone has different values, so it's important to really think about what matters to you. Then you can decide from there to do things that feed your values. 

Much like the first book I read on perfectionism, these authors understand that perfectionists are often overwhelmed, afraid of failure, or otherwise unwilling to get started on things that really matter to them. They urge using your values to help push you into action. You might not want to put yourself out there and sign up for a class, but if you have a value of learning, it might be worth it. The authors mention that perfectionists often want to wait for the perfect conditions before starting a new project (definitely me), but getting one half or even a quarter of something done is better than nothing. And when you begin again, you won't have as much left to do.

I've found that my brain is always looking to finish everything all at once, so I'll finally have nothing to worry about. My house will be perfect, my job will be perfect, and everything will be caught up. Obviously, this is never going to happen, but I've found that even reaching for it increases my anxiety. I've discovered that it's better to just have one or two small things I know I can get done and focus on those and only those. That way I stay productive and I can feel fulfilled by the small things that I have accomplished. I can't let my mind run off with grand, unrealistic dreams, or think about every single problem that might come up as I try to fulfill those grand dreams.

The authors use the acronym SMART to help lay out goals that go with your values. SMART (which my husband told me is widely used in business schools as well) stands for: specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound. Relevant means that it supports your values and time bound means that it must have a deadline. I've had a goal of finishing a book I wrote for NaNoWriMo many years ago. However, without a hard deadline, that goal is meaningless--as you can see from my still unfinished draft.

Ong and Twohig also discuss being kind to yourself (which has come up in pretty much every self-help book I've read recently, so it must be important), and constantly reevaluating your goals to make sure they continue to align with your values. 

I've been considerably more productive since reading these two books on perfectionism. Although I still don't feel like I understand exactly when I'm being a healthy go-getter versus an unhealthy striver/avoider, I think I'm moving in the right direction.