Patric Gagne knew she was different from a very young age. She says that no matter how hard she tried to fit in, her classmates could sense that there was something "off" about her. Patric's mother also sometimes found her difficult to figure out. When Patric's beloved pet ferret died, her mom was confused and disturbed that Patric didn't cry. It wasn't until Patric went to visit a jail where her uncle worked that she heard the word "sociopath" and found that the definition fit her disturbingly well.
Patric describes herself as having muted feelings when it comes to connection with other people, remorse, fear, and sadness. She sees sociopathy and psychopathy as a spectrum, and she is on the moderate sociopathy side. When she was young, she felt a deep apathy and emptiness that she could alleviate by doing something "bad." The worst of what she did was stab another little girl with a pencil in the head, and choke a cat (for a short time--it lived). But even then she knew these impulses were bad and strove to control them. She found that if she let out a little steam by following people and/or breaking into empty houses, she could avoid any urges of violence.
As Patric grew up she continued using these coping mechanisms. But it was in her Psychology class in college where she really started looking into her condition. She was frustrated that sociopaths were depicted solely in news and media as monsters who deserved no pity or consideration. This frustration continued with the field of Psychology. There was nothing to help her: no recommended treatments or research that would help her or other people in her position. She saw herself as having a learning disability when it came to feelings like empathy and remorse, and she needed help to get better.
After college, Patric joined her father, working in the music industry. Eventually, she moves on to get her Ph.D. in Psychology so she could really dig into her condition and help other people like her. This was the part of the book where I started to lose interest. It began to feel repetitive. First, Patric feels like she's figured herself out and knows how to handle her symptoms, but then she relapses and breaks into another house, stalks a woman who is harassing her family, or salts a woman's lawn who inadvertently insults Patric by not understanding sociopathy. A large part of the book felt like a run-of-the-mill love triangle, and I wasn't super impressed by the random name dropping of her good friend, Hugh Hefner. I often wanted more information about Sociopathy and Psychopathy in general. Are Patric's hypotheses born out by any research? Do other sociopaths feel like her, and are there hundreds and thousands of people struggling like her? What percentage are violent or are actually in jail?
The most enlightening part of this book was seeing how Patric struggled as she grew up and didn't know what was going on with herself. She does force a change in how you view Sociopathy from something to be afraid of, to showing that Sociopaths are suffering and need help just like anyone who is slow to learn important life skills. I just wish a little more of the research was included in the book.
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