#6 [2024/CBR16] Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing by Matthew Perry

Some of my favorite audiobooks are memoirs that are read by the author, so I tend to look for memoirs when I need a new audiobook for my commute. I had heard of Matthew Perry's book: Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing (2022), but hadn't gotten around to it. Then Matthew Perry died on October 28, 2023 with Ketamine in his system. Although I never followed his life very closely, I was a fan of Friends when I was younger, and I felt I owed it to him to hear his story. 

I knew Matthew Perry was on Friends, and I knew that he'd had a drug addiction. (I actually thought that he'd gotten over the addiction and that's why he'd gained weight at some point during the run of Friends). When Perry's book came out, I heard about the light controversy of him being mean to Keanu Reeves. Keanu Reeves was not mentioned in my audiobook, but I went back to Google to find out what Perry had written. It was stupid, it was mean, and it was not funny. I'm pretty sure Keanu Reeves has had to live with some tragic early deaths of his loved ones, and I can't imagine him attacking anyone like that. I'm glad Perry took that out.

Anyway, I learned a lot about Matthew Perry in this book. I had no idea how long and difficult his struggle with addiction was or what an incredible toll it took on his body, health, and life. The rehab stints and relapses were so frequent that it was hard to keep track of them while listening to the book. However, in an interview in 2022, Perry "estimated that he had spent $9 million on his addiction, including 14 stomach surgeries, 15 stays in rehab, therapy twice a week for 30 years and 6,000 AA meetings."

I also didn't know anything about Perry's childhood and family. There is plenty of potential trauma to mine for what might have contributed to his life suffering from addiction. His father walked out on them when he was very young. Eventually, Perry would fly alone on a plane from Canada to California to go visit him. When he was a baby, his doctor told his parents to give him benzos to help him sleep. I also didn't know that Justin Perry's mother was the press secretary for Pierre Trudeau, the Canadian Prime Minister and Justin Trudeau's father.

Matthew Perry had all the money and resources in the world to fight his disease but could never beat it. It left me with something of a hopeless feeling. I also wondered while reading the book if Perry had already gone back to using at some point, but he still had to finish the book with a satisfying ending. He mentioned that he thought fame and fortune was the answer to happiness that everyone wants, and it wasn't until he had it that he realized it didn't help. I disagree with him there. I have zero interest in fame and quite like my anonymity. Would I take more money if it was being handed out? Gladly. But I know it's not my path to happiness.

Perry often talked about how he was lonely and alone. It sounded like he understood his problems and what was causing him to push people away. Yet he still constantly sabotaged his relationships. I guess when you can't take care of yourself, you have a hard time taking care of other people's feelings as well. In the end, I learned a lot about how much Perry went through as he dealt with addictions throughout his life. It was eye opening.