I was really excited when I started reading this book because right away Schafler splits perfectionists into five different "types" and gives the reader a little quiz to figure out which they are. The types are: Classic, Intense, Parisian, Messy, and Procrastinator. Turns out, I'm pretty much all of them except for intense, but Procrastinator was leading the race. I've procrastinated (especially on certain things) for as long as I can remember. I'm responsible enough to get important things done by a deadline. However, if there is no deadline, and it's something I don't particularly want to do, it's probably not going to happen.
Schafler describes perfectionists as "people who consistently notice the difference between an ideal and a reality, and strive to maintain a high degree of personal accountability." She then goes on to say that there are "adaptive" and "maladaptive" perfectionists. The adaptive perfectionist uses their perfectionism as motivation, but don't require all things to go perfectly or beat themselves up over failure. The maladaptive perfectionists torture themselves trying to make everything perfect, but are ultimately disappointed because perfection is not possible.
Schafler also wrote that the reason procrastinator perfectionists procrastinate is that they wait for conditions to be perfect before starting--and conditions are never perfect. "The problem for these perfectionists is that starting a process taints it--now that it's real, it can no longer be perfect." Thus, every time a procrastinator perfectionist starts something new, it involves a real loss from what was perfect in their mind. Schafler argues that not acting also involves loss, but a much bigger loss. I found this argument interesting and compelling, and I think it will help me. However, to me it doesn't feel like loss, but a related feel of failure.
Once we were done figuring out what kind of perfectionist we were, I struggled a little bit while reading this book. Schafler talks a lot about being compassionate with yourself, but I'd already read a whole book on that. I was more interested in a more concrete understanding of why my brain would torture me in such a way. I almost stopped reading the book, but my perfectionism and FOMO kept me going.
In the end, I found this a helpful book, although I was a little frustrated and unsure what I was learning in the middle. I really liked seeing where my procrastination was coming from, and realizing that fear of things not turning out perfectly is not a valid excuse for inaction. And I know that I'm happier when I'm busy and actually accomplishing things rather than going over and over all of the things I need to do but am not doing in my head.
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